GS – UNOFFICIAL GUIDE TO BEING A MAN
Stop talking about where you went to college.
Always carry cash. Keep some in your front pocket.
Rebel from business casual. Burn your khakis and wear a suit or jeans.
Never stay out after midnight three nights in a row … unless something really good comes up on the third night.
You will regret your tattoos.
Never date an ex of your friend.
When the bartender asks, you should already know what you want to drink.
If you perspire, wear a damn undershirt.
When people don’t invite you to a party, you really shouldn’t go. And sometimes even when you are invited, you shouldn’t go.
People are tired of you being the funny, drunk guy.
When in doubt, always kiss the girl.
No selfies. Aspire to experience photo-worthy moments in the company of a beautiful woman.
There’s always another level. Just be content knowing that you are still better off than most who have ever lived.
You can get away with a lot more if you're the one buying the drinks.
Ask for a salad instead of fries.
Don’t split a check.
Pretty women who are unaccompanied want you to talk to them.
When a bartender buys you a round, tip double.
The cliché is that having money is about not wasting time. But in reality, money is about facilitating spontaneity.
Do not use an electric razor.
Desserts are for women. Order one and pretend you don’t mind that she’s eating yours.
Buy a tuxedo before you are thirty. Stay that size.
Place-dropping is worse than name-dropping.
Yes, of course you have to buy her dinner.
Staying angry is a waste of energy.
Always bring a bottle of something to the party.
If it’s got velvet ropes and lines, walk away unless you know someone.
Feigning unpretentiousness is worse than being pretentious. Cut it out with the vintage Polo and that ’83 Wagoneer in Nantucket.
The New Yorker is not high-brow. Neither is The Economist.
No-one cares if you are offended, so stop it.
Never take an ex back. She tried to do better and is settling with you.
Read more. It allows you to borrow someone else’s brain, and will make you more interesting at a dinner party – provided that you don’t initiate conversation with, “So, who are you reading …”
Hookers aren’t cool, and remember, the free ones are a lot more expensive.
Don’t ever say, “it is what it is.”
]]>Meet Alexi Panos, TV Host/ Model, our newest bachelorette attending our event on Saturday!
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]]>ONE OF THE BEST EXPOS I'VE DONE. Why? Purely the message. When it's truly right (painstakingly) to split, you will certainly have clarified many times over in your mind the reason why it's the best choice. And no, it's not an easy choice. It's also certainly one that's not taken lightly. Yet once you have decided and to START OVER SMART- here is where the next chapter of this short life begins.
So what happens after this? The new chapter, or what I like to call the "TRUE CHAPTER", is a space where you are fully able to love your family, to still be a great co-parent and role model for your children, while remaining true to yourself as a human being. What a concept!
Regardless of their decisions, it's actually the same love you would want your own children to have or be given the opportunity to have in this lifetime.. an honest purpose in life for being with the right person.
Whatever guilt a parent may have, it's understandable. Yet if you have made this decision in the best and most genuine way possible, then please do yourself a favor and try to throw bit by small bit of the leftover guilt out the window over time. You deserve to show your children the love they should give themselves. They are an extension of you. Remember, life ultimately is short. In the BIG PICTURE, there is always something to be grateful for - including this "True Chapter" with all its trials and feelings. Here is where it all begins, not ends.
#startoversmart #be #life
Earlier this week, I received some interesting news from one of my clients and his fabulous leggy blonde counterpart, whom I introduced him to (a mere two months ago). They called to tell me that she was giving up her lease next month to move into his swanky Tribeca triplex. And I'm very happy for them. To be quite honest, they are extremely lovely together and are exclusive and committed.
And yet, I'm still finding that what I really want to ask them is, "Isn't it a little... soon?" When it comes to moving in, what is too soon?
In my experience with friends and clients, couples who move in together too quickly have about a 50% survival rate. My antidote? Wait at least a year before signing the lease on his and hers sinks and take a healthy dose of honest communication before handing over your keys. Yes, of course; As with anything in life, there are no absolutes and there are always exceptions. (We've all heard stories of a friend of a friend who hopped into bed on the first date, was engaged by week two and has been living in marital bliss with her honey ever since). Great for them, that's wonderful. But for the rest of us, we live with a different reality.
So let's keep our heads on straight and consider this quick list before making any drastic decisions.
Check to see what applies to you.
Signs you might be ready to move in:
You've dated for at least a year. You know each other WELL ENOUGH.
You've survived some major disagreements already, and worked through them together for real resolutions.
You've traveled together extensively.
Your relationship is heading towards something long-term and/or has marriage potential. I always recommend being engaged before you decide to move in. However, for those not marriage-minded, at least be sure you're both in it for the long run.
You have discussed your expectations about this important move openly and honestly. This means talking about everything, even the tough stuff, including; your money and finances -- who will pitch in for what? What will be separate? Chores -- who's on dishwasher duty and who's walking the dog? How you will be maintaining personal space or privacy? What exactly does moving in together mean for both of you and your future expectations? Hash it out now folks so there's no misunderstanding. If you're not comfortable enough to have all of these items be a part of your candid conversation before moving in, then you certainly should NOT be moving in together. Avoiding these important conversations usually that guarantees at least one of you will end up hurt (and homeless) later.
Signs you're not ready to move in:
You want to save on rent.
You think it would be really cute to finally test out your cooking skills and play 'wife,' which is what you always wanted to be. Only you're not married. Or engaged. Yet you think this will lead to convincing him to take that step with you.
You hate being alone. I think this one is really important and should have its own paragraph. Many people dread coming home to any empty house so much that they are eager to move in with literally every person they date. This inevitably ends in heartbreak. If you find yourself too frequently in and out of living spaces as often as you are with your relationships, enforce a one year of living alone policy. Once you've learned to love living on your own while simultaneously having a great boyfriend with his own place, it will take someone really special to convince you to give up that independence later. Shacking up should be reserved for that. If all you want is companionship, adopt a puppy -- don't keep adopting a live in boyfriend.
You are still in the 'honeymoon phase' (anything less than 1 year).
You haven't spent much time at his place much, nor he yours. Test things out and spend at least half the time staying at the other's place over at least a few months' time before moving in.
You are feeling 'pressured to move in' or your reasons are 'it's the right thing to do.'
You haven't had the honest conversation covered in the section above about expectations.
KNOW WHAT YOU WANT IN 2022! Don't let this be yet another year with more of the same, a broken record on repeat! Make a CHANGE THIS TIME and PRIORITIZE what you want!
If you really think about it, most of us would never approach our business lives with the same strategy model we apply to our personal life (a weakly thought-out strategy, repetitive poor decision-making, laziness, etc.)
To turn your love life around and create the types of outcomes you want in 2022:
1. Change your attitude, first and foremost. Spot the recurring, limiting beliefs you have about yourself and/or your ability to find true love. LOVE YOURSELF FIRST. PRACTICE BEING HOPEFUL.
2. Learn from past lessons in dating. Take steps to acknowledge the patterns in your decision-making for dating that continue to not serve you well. Choose not to spin your wheels on the same things this year. Because it IS a choice! Make a proactive commitment to have 2022 go differently in your personal life.
3. CHOOSE OPENLY YET WISELY. You have to be open to people who don't 100% checkmark ALL boxes. HOWEVER, with that in mind you should continue to be laser-focused on the most important MUST HAVES when it comes to meeting your forever person. Create a list of 5 OF YOUR TOP traits, values or characteristics that a future partner must have that are the most meaningful for you. (Looks aside, this list should only contain actual personality/background traits that are absolutely important to share in common with "YOUR FOREVER PERSON"). Also, forget about a lengthy laundry list; stick to FIVE.
Next, apply this list to your decision-making when deciding with whom you should go on a date/ when deciding who to date. If you don't know someone well enough to say just yet, then a first date may be warranted. But with each consecutive date, you should be taking the temperature on your 5 THINGS and use this as a compass to determine if it's worth continued time. You can avoid wasting A LOT of time by not accepting a date with anyone who doesn't accurately embody/meet those 5 criteria you KNOW are non-negotiable deal-breakers in the first place.
4. STOP MAKING EXCUSES FOR PEOPLE. People will tell you who they are early on through their actions. Take accountability for yourself if you have turned a blind eye to it or made excuses for people.
5. STOP MAKING EXCUSES FOR YOURSELF. There's nothing wrong with spending a year "casually dating" if that is truly what you want. However, please DON'T COMPLAIN ABOUT NOT FINDING A RELATIONSHIP! Continuing to 'casually hang out' with someone you know doesn't make sense for you in the long-term just takes up space and energy in your life, and increasingly blocks you from meeting the right one - whether you realize it or not. It's just how life and the universe works. (I get that it's not fair, but don't shoot the messenger!).
6. BE KIND TO YOURSELF. Super important. And, remember what you are thankful for, no matter what.
#happy2022 #abetteryou #lifeandlovelessons #worthy #soulmate
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All my best,
From Your Favorite Matchmaker , Amy Laurent
How can I keep the spark at home?
1. Who has time to make a fancy, special candlelit dinner every night of the week? Definitely not you. Consider mixing things up by doing a tasty dessert creation in the kitchen together. Selected from a recipe you spotted in a magazine or while watching The Food Network, the goal is to have some fun with this- and with a little bit of wine and some whipped cream, you can bring dessert with you into the bedroom!
2. I get it, when you come home from a long day at the office spent running around in pumps; your bunny slippers are calling your name. But once in a blue moon mix it up and ditch the sweatpants for something sexier. I’m not suggesting you lounge around in a too-tight corset and stilettos every night. However, it can’t hurt to try out something flirty and playful every once in a while, all while keeping comfortable of course. Changing it up and surprising your man will go a long way in regards to keeping the romance alive.
3. Try having an intimate moment somewhere BESIDES the bedroom. A different part of the house can be all it takes to make things fun again. Let’s face it, sometimes things can get stale in the same position, in the same old bedroom. A change of venue goes a long way!
As a couple, we always do the same old date night: dinner and drinks. What are some creative alternatives to change up our evenings out?
1. Concerts are a great idea for doing something different yet sexy with your man. Pick a show you both like and it will give you the chance to cut loose, dance and listen to great tunes together. Perhaps choose a favorite band you both were into when you first met, and strike up those sweet, great memories hearing the songs all over again.
2. Explore. Do an ACTIVITY! Decide to be adventurous and try kayaking together for the first time. Get dressed up like Latin lovers and try the Tango. Take a wine class you know nothing about. Get out of your element and explore life again as a couple.
3. Get silly. Karaoke may not be for everyone, however if you’re the kind of couple who doesn’t take themselves so seriously you can really have some fun with this. Spend a night pretending you’re both rockstars and cheer on your honey as you do your best version of Cher.
4. Don’t underestimate the power of the simple things; pack a picnic and head out to your local park or ride your bike to a relaxing spot. Especially if you're a busy couple; it’s vital to take time to spend some quite time together and reconnect. As an added bonus, it’s romantic and essentially free.
5. Sweat it out and hit the gym together! Sure, the gym might feel like a bit of a chore during the work week- but crunches and push-ups are100x more fun when you get to watch your guy do them alongside you. You get to work up a sexy sweat together- and he’ll love the sight of you in your yoga pants.
Are there simple gestures my guy would appreciate? What are some simple gestures that my guy would appreciate?
1. Let’s face it, we’ve all made our guy watch The Notebook or Bridget Jones Diary (you know he secretly liked it) – but it’s important that you also open yourself up to his favorites. So whether it’s Braveheart, Miracle, The Hangover 2, or Monty Python- once in a while let him pick the movie and watch with a smile. If you need to fill your mouth with popcorn to avoid making snarky comments- so be it! The key here is to whole-heartedly embrace (or try to embrace) something he loves too.
2. As women, we’re so used to receiving compliments, we often forget that men need positive reinforcement, too! Don’t forget to compliment him. If he’s looking great that day, tell him. If he’s doing something right, tell him how much you appreciate it. If he’s working hard, mention to him how proud you are. Often times we get stuck in pointing out what’s wrong or could be done better by our partners. No one likes a constant nag, and no man wants to date his mother (well most don't, anyway...). You are his partner, first and foremost and he is yours. Although things will never be perfect 100 percent of the time, remember: Don’t forget to remind him what you love about him.
]]>Not everybody is able to hire a matchmaker or has the finances to do so. Obviously, it's what I do, so it's my one recommendation, but there are other things that people can do to jump-start their dating life.
Tell people you're single! A lot of times, people don't know that you want to be set up. If you're really going to do this, bring it up to people and say, 'I'm ready to put myself out there and start dating.'"
Get the word out and make it official ladies and gents! You never know where opportunities are going to come up.
Leave your house. You would think it's a no-brainer, but people don't make an effort. Instead, too many singles make plans with their friends, break them, and then complain about never meeting anyone. I'm not saying be a party person; All I would ask somebody to do is make a conscious effort to get out of your house, commit to plans and be a little social.
Be strategic with your plans. What people tend to do is get lazy and say 'OK, let's meet at that corner pub down the street because it's convenient.'" Instead, I advise planning activities or going to places where other singles in your age range will likely be.
It's also smart to be more deliberate about who you hang out with. Chances are, if all you do is spend time with your friends who are married, you're not really hanging around single people.
Watch your body language. Sometimes when you're not open to dating or you're not making it a priority, you walk around texting on your phone, you don’t make eye contact with anyone — you don't put off that vibe that you're friendly and approachable. You have to be really conscious of your body language, and when you go out to that bar with your friends . . . make sure that you're open to it and you're putting off that vibe.
And don't forget folks! Now that you are single again, you have to think like a single person!! Look in the mirror. Don't run out with your sweats with the holes in them. I'm not saying put on a full face of makeup to go walk your dog at seven in the morning, but think like a single person. A quick look in the mirror before you leave your house can make all the difference. I hear so many stories of chance meetings, opportunities that happen in the most random situations.
Happy Dating!
xo Amy
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Now I'm not saying that your friends, or even your aunt Bestie don't have great intentions when trying to set you up. They do. However, there is a reason why I'm the matchmaker by trade and you're best friend Tim, is... well... a dentist. Or wall street guy. Such factors come also into play in this sort of 'set up scenario' when you consider the fact that they are only dipping into the dating pool of choices within a much smaller 'database' of people. Friends simply won't have the same level in options based on numbers, and many people tend to think "Oh gee, wouldn't it be SO CUTE if Mary Ann and Christopher were a couple? I'd get to see a lot more of them both!"
Sadly, sometimes that's the only criteria your friends are thinking of when coming up with a set up. In other cases, the fact that two people are 'single' = a great match. That may sound funny, but it's true.So, if you still decide you are going to choose to go ahead with setting up a friend - consider right off the bat some basic tips. Before you start pairing off all the friends you're bringing together, heed the DOs and DON'Ts of hooking up your friends, from someone who knows the game pretty well...
BASIC MUST-KNOW TIPS:
DO use caution when matching two friends. You must take this into consideration. You always want to be cautious when deciding to set up a gal pal with a close guy friend--lifelong friendships have been lost over this! Unlike a matchmaker who can be subjective with both parties, you may find yourself in a hairy situation when something doesn’t work out. For the untrained matchmaker, I would advise sticking to setting up acquaintances wherever possible!
DO be clear about intentions and lay out the boundaries. When setting up friends, family, or even acquaintances with one another, let them know that you would be thrilled if it works out but are a neutral party. Explain, if they feel it’s worth the connection, regardless of outcome you would prefer not to be in the middle!
DON’T force it. No one likes a friend who sticks her nose where it doesn’t need to be. If you know a girlfriend is open and looking, being a thoughtful friend is one thing. Meddling in someone’s business and being a pushy friend who wants to play matchmaker is another.
DO use full disclosure. Meaning, if you are going to take the time to set up a pal, make sure you give him/her as much information on the other person as possible--and preferably a photo whenever possible. Though you have a great hunch the date would lead to a chance for chemistry, you also want both parties feeling comfortable with what they are going into without being so ‘blind’.
DON’T micromanage. Once the date has been set up, let things unfold naturally and don’t feel the need to oversee things from there. As tempting as it is, you can still be excited for your friends while at the same time sitting back and letting it be ‘their thing’. As a matchmaker, I even follow this guideline so as to let things flow and to give my clients enough room to let the spark happen in a very real way.
DON’T take it personally. As I have learned over the seven years of doing my job, when things work out and two people hit the pavement running into an exciting new relationship together; well, sometimes the matchmaker (and in this case, YOU) are one of the last ones to get credit for any of it. You might even be the last one to know! Sure, perhaps you feel a little hurt for not being included in the details, you’re not the first one who knew they were running off to the Carribean, or you found out through someone else one was meeting the other’s parents this weekend. Don’t take it personally. Sometimes people might even be shy about mentioning they met on a blind date set up--doesn’t matter. Don’t do this with the expectations of credit or thanks. Do it because you want to see people happy and for the sheer joy of effecting two people’s lives in a huge way. It’s good karma.
]]>How do I know if personal matchmaking is for me?
How matchmaking works best, for whom, and why.
Matchmaking works best for those who can say that the following applies to them.
1. You simply desire a relationship to now add something to your already fulfilled life, with the right person.
Too many times, people make the mistake of seeking a relationship because they want to fill a void or emptiness they feel. No one can fill that for you, and until you discover who you are as a single individual, any relationship you find yourself in will be unsuccessful. So do the work first, and ask yourself your reasoning for desiring a serious relationship at this point in time.
If you have everything in your life that makes you happy in all other areas, and the one thing missing is that perfect partner/serious relationship – well, then I’m your matchmaker.
2. You work long hours, and are tired of sifting through the bar scene with zero results. You travel often for work.
Enough said. Believe me, I get it. Myself and my team are constantly locating and screening women for you on a full time basis. Making your life easier, is my job. Not only is it my job, but I do it EXTREMELY well;).
3. You find yourself meeting the same people over and over again (either at the gym, people from work, or bad set ups through friends or the same social circles).
That ‘oh so important’ rule of not dating anyone at work or the gym can be casually tossed aside during a moment of weakness. Heck, it can’t hurt to bend the rules, just this once… can it? Just this time anyway, it will probably be fine … or not.
Matchmaking is perfect for those who want to expand their limited parameters of the dating pool but don’t have time to do it themselves. Who wouldn’t want someone to double or triple their chances of meeting the right person by exposing them to new and eligible singles outside of their social circle?! After all, it is my full time job to connect great people from all over the city – my job is to find those ‘needles in a haystack’ women daily; I do it effectively moreso than any matchmaker out there so wouldn’t it be nice if you didn’t have to worry about that part? Leave your gym as your sanctuary and choose a drama-free workplace by considering using a matchmaker who knows what she’s doing and is well-connected into the very top of the female dating pool.
4. You go on dates all the time, just not the right ones. You socialize and always attempt to meet new people when you are out- which ends up in wasted time and money. Your online dating is hit-or-miss, even downright scary sometimes with who actually ends up showing up!
I screen everything about a person beforehand, which includes what they look like in person, their true personality, to individual quirks (that you may or may not like about them, btw); there are no surprises! And they are narrowed down and selected perfectly to YOU and YOUR requirements/tastes. Let the most scrutinizing person besides yourself -me - screen and vet for your dates before you choose them. Your time is way too valuable to keep wasting on ‘shot in the dark’ dates that haven’t been panning out.
Stop wasting time. You are pretty much guaranteed to triple your success in dating simply by adding the value of having a tough screener for each and every candidate who is being considered for you.
5. Your friends and family offer to set you up, but you value your friendships and want to continue speaking to your family.
Such good intentions come from those close to you, who always seem to know someone perfect for you! The only problem with that, is they lack my social network as far as numbers go – I’m on cable networks every week, have heavy exposure in media, press coverage, and am enlisted by top women’s magazines for a variety of commentary topics that are continuous throughout the year.
Secondly, I can be subjective. Too often family or friends will be rooting to pair two people together who probably aren’t for each other, yet, "wouldn’t it just be sweet as pie if both of you were a couple?!" Often times, they mean well but… that’s why I’m the matchmaker, and well, they do (fill in the blank).
If you are nodding your head to the above four items, and are an intelligent, driven, eligible guy; then you my friend, are the perfect ‘match’ for me and the type of guy who makes my ongoing list of success stories.
]]>So many people are at different points in their lives, not necessarily ready yet to offer themselves completely in a relationship. I have friends like this and I have been at that point at times in my life where I wanted to be single to focus on myself. To find true love with someone, you must be good with YOU first before you can do that. That is one of the first things I look at when I interview a guy (as well as with a woman, for that matter). My clients are ready to offer something great to the right person in a serious relationship and want their partner to be at the same place they are.
I find myself admiring where this guy is at and feeling excited and hopeful at the thought of being the person who finds that woman for him! On top of that, he has a warm smile, great hair, and a sincerity that I find quite charming. My mental rolodex of impressive women I know for him starts rolling through my head as he continues chatting and I can’t help but smile… My instinct says this is a good situation. I love my job!
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